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[11 Apr 2004|02:45pm]

[ mood | embarrassed ]

You know, Rudy's not so bad a movie when you're actually in the mood for it.

I don't even remember why I bought it, that was so long ago...but I never watched it, and no one was home, so I popped it into the VCR. And here I am, chanting with the crowd, feeling like I'm gonna cry. If I wasn't so caught up in the movie, I might feel like less of a man.

It was weird at first to see Sean Astin without the prosthetic feet, I guess I've been watching The Fellowship too often lately.

Oh God. He's running onto the field. I jump up and yell "YES!" just in time to see Buffy and Spike standing in the doorway.


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[07 Apr 2004|08:01pm]

[ mood | happy ]

I got back home from the mall at about 8:00...I forgot how much fun it is to spend 6 hours shopping with your best friend. I got a some new clothes, a few outfits for the spring. I also got something really sexy to wear later...when Spike got back, and even a few gifts. Everyone's been so supportive lately, so I got pretty much everyone something.

The best was for Willow. When she wasn't looking, I grabbed her a gorgeous outfit--a red peasant top with a really nice blue skirt. I spent a little more than I usually do, but she's definitely worth it.

For Dawn I got some makeup. I know how much she loves her lip-gloss and eyeshadows, so I got her about 15 bucks worth of that. And a cute little beaded necklace I know she'd love.

I got Faith some leather pants. I hope they fit, I compared them with mine...she's just a little bigger than me.

I bought Spike a CD. The Ramones. I know how much he likes them. Plus, what I bought myself is kind of a gift to him too.

I got Andrew a book... "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King." Had that Aragorn guy on the front...I'm sure he'll enjoy that, him with his LOTR and Starwars thing.

Then there was Xander. I didn't really know what to get him, So I got him something kinda practical - A new drill. I heard him talking about how his was wearing out, so I splurged a little. Still...I think $35 is a little much for a tool.

I suprised myself at how much I spent, but these were my friends - my family. And Christmas wasn't too great this year, so i was kinda making up for it. I had been saving my money, but I quit my job when Spike showed up...something I regret. Ah well...I guess I'll just have to start the job hunting with Spike. I decided to wait until tomorrow to give everyone their gifts. I walked downstairs to see what everyone was up to.

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[03 Apr 2004|11:49am]

I woke up in the late afternoon. There was a note on the pillow.
Didn't want to wake you. We've gone out shopping. Good luck job hunting! xxx
I sat and stared at the three kisses for a while. I never thought Buffy would write me a note with three kisses on it. Eventually I shook myself from my reverie and went and had a shower.

Downstairs in the kitchen I heated myself up a cup of blood - Buffy was keeping the fridge well stocked - and found Andrew playing Star Wars with 2 doughnuts and a Pepsi bottle. I shook my head. I sort of like the boy, but I don't think I have ever met anyone so geeky. I remembered back to the time I had threatened his Boba Fett doll and smirked to myself. Then I remembered what had happened later that day with Buffy and, well, the blood wasn't exactly rushing to my head with those memories.

I went through the local paper and found a few adverts for flats Buffy and I could look at. I rang them up and made appointments to see them the next evening. Hopefully I'd have my own home soon. Sharing with this many people was driving me a bit nuts.

Finally the sun went down and I went out. Buffy had suggested I look in the paper for jobs, but I knew I wouldn't find work there. I needed to see where the demon haunts were. True, I'm all ensouled now, I've got the spark, but I still feel more at home in the dark. Besides, working on that side of town would be killing two birds with one stone - I could keep an ear open for any interesting developments and then Buffy and I could kick evil arse.

The long and the short of it was that I managed to get a bartending job in a place called Henry's, a small, pokey bar thick with cigarette smoke and slime. Made me feel all at home. Now, I imagine I'll be a pretty crap barman - not so good with the small talk - but it's easy work, and they pay quite well. As the owner said, I'd need to do a little bit of "order management", which I interpreted as riot control. Not a problem. A bit of rough and tumble is just what I need.
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[30 Mar 2004|10:30am]

[ mood | calm ]

I walked downstairs the next morning in a bit of a daze. Everything was falling into place. I could be with Spike and take care of Dawn at the same time. My next issue was to tell Giles. I wasn't sure how he would take it. It would be a releif, not having to take care of a high-schooler any more. And I'm sure he didn't want to see Spike and I all lovey-dovey all the time. And the best part of it? I didn't have to hide. I didn't have to hide from my own feelings, or hide them from anyone else. Spike was mine. I was Spike's. Life couldn't be any more perfect.

I walked into the kitchen to see Willow and Faith sitting at the kitchen table, stuffing their faces with donuts.

"Morning, guys," I said, reaching for a donut. "How's it going?"

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Hot chocolate run! [19 Mar 2004|08:51pm]

[ mood | tired ]

Hot chocalte, that's sound super yummy, I thought as I crept down the stairs. Okay, which cabnet is it in? Oh yea, the right one. I walked over an carefully opened the cabinet door, grabbed a mug, a pack of hot chocolate and some of those little marshmellows. I turned the hot water on, running the water for a few to get it hot, dumped the mix in and stirred. I was about to sit down at the kitchen table, when I heard voices coming from the back yard. I crept closer to the door. It was Spike talking to Buffy. Probably shouldn't listen, I thought. "But... Dawn." I heard Buffy say. "What about me?" I asked stepping into the doorway.

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[18 Mar 2004|05:11pm]

I had to keep pinching myself to check I wasn't dreaming. Pretty sodding uncool, but this - I've dreamed about this for years. Me and Buffy, together. Not just in bed. I love the sex, don't get me wrong, but I did without it all last year, and I didn't mind. Because Buffy valued me, and having her share her thoughts with me was worth more than any rough and tumble. But now I have both.

It's almost enough to make a man willing to give up smoking. I lit a cigarette in the back garden, out of courtesy to Giles. Don't want to stink up the place. I began to think about things. I couldn't stay here, in this house. For one thing, it was bloody overcrowded. For another, I was uncomfortable aware that Willow and Dawn - and possibly the rest of the house - might be able to hear what Buffy and I were up to. I'm no prude, but it's a bit weird. Also, someone should really think about getting a job. We - well, they - were eating Giles out of house and home, and me sitting around doing bugger all probably wasn't helping. I needed to find a job and a flat before Andrew's whining over the fact that England doesn't sell Hot Pockets drove me completely nuts.
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[14 Mar 2004|04:31pm]

Last night's patrol was a success...considering there are just as many demons here as in Sunnydale. There are a lot of memories in patrolling. I miss patrolling with Spike everynight. The sex afterwards was always fun too. But now I dont have to have an excuse. As of last night, I think everyone knows what's going on.

I sit up in bed and smile as I turn to see Spike next to me. I dont know if he's planning on staying with me yet, so I savor the moment for a minute. He's lying there with his hair all messy and shirtless. yumm...I think to myself, tempted to jump on him. I decide against it and walk downstairs to get a cup of coffee and some breakfast.

"Morning, Buff." Willow greets me, eating a bowl of fruit loops as I walk into the kitchen. I smile when I see she's already made a pot of coffee. I pour myself a cup and sit next to her.

"Morning, Will." I say, smiling. She was giving me the highschool Did ya get some? look. I filled her in on everything...just not the whole Spike-sex part. As usual she was really supportive. I could always count on Willow to trust my decisions.

"I'm really happy for you, Buffy," she said, smiling.

"Thanks." I answered, finishing my coffee and Corn Flakes. I looked at the clock. 10:30. I figured I'd let Spike sleep for a while, then find out where he's planning on staying later.

After finishing breakfast ran up to the Butcher shop to get some blood, figured it'd be a nice suprise for Spike to wake up to. I went home and heated it up to the perfect temperature. I ran upstairs with a coffee mug full and into my room.

When I got there he was still laying just as I'd left him. I smiled and admired him for minute before walking over and kissing him. "Morning, love," He said, sitting up.

"Brought you something..." I said, handing him the cup. "But I have to go take a shower..."
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The Showdown! [11 Mar 2004|08:12pm]

[ mood | hungry ]

Wow, I thought as Fae and I made our descend down the stairs, When did the walk from Willow's (now mine, too) room take so long? Must be the company. Fae had begun to REALLY get on my nerves... especially when she made that crack about Buffy. I'm the only one allowed to criticize my sister! "So, Grub-wise, What are you thinking?" I asked as we entered the kitchen. "Whatever," Fae answered. "We could order a pizza? Xander should be home soon..." I trailed off. "Did I hear pizza?" I heard Faith say as she came into the kitchen, toweling her hair dry. "Um.... Yup! We were talking about ordering a pizza. Oh, By the by, this is Fae. She's a not-so-potential."

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You can take the nerd out of high-school... [10 Mar 2004|09:38pm]

[ mood | nerdy ]

The first thought that rattled inside my brain as I wandered into my room the room I shared with Dawn, was "Oh, goddess, why did she have to bring one of her noisy friends home on the day I have more homework than any human being could manage in one night?" This was quickly replaced by a reminder of the fact that, if I was gonna be sharing a room with the girl, the least I could do was show a little acceptance of her teenaged ways. And that noisy alarm. And the fact that she was constantly leaving her clothes on the floor. And the empty bags of potato chips...

"Potential?" I asked, catching the last word of her introductions, and looking to her friend with unbridled curiosity. Had Dawnie found a new Slayer? Correction. Another new Slayer?

I raised my eyebrows slightly as I studied Dawn's friend. She had a Slayer-type build, and the same cocky attitude that Kennedy so many Potentials seemed to think was such a huge turn-on. What was up with that, anyway? Did they think it was 'cool' to do lousy impressions of Faith all the time? I didn't think this was the case with the new girl, as it was pretty clear she'd never even met Faith, let alone taken on that oh-so-completely-NOT-cute infatuation with the badass Slayer.

"Good work, Dawnie," I said, offering a smile and polite nod to her friend. "The guys'll be happy we've got another one to play with," I smirked somewhat as I ran my eyes over the girl's attire. "Looks like this one could be a fun new friend for Faith." Everyone was getting new friends lately, it seemed. A slight frown replaced my grin, but only for a second as I went on to ask, "Does she know the whole Slayer deal? Or is she one of those random girls that never knew about the prophecy 'till Super-Me made with the mojo?" Not that I liked to brag or anything...

We chatted a bit about the new girl, before I realised that it was probably more Buffy's place to deal with the new arrivals than mine. "Maybe you oughtta introduce her to your sister?" I suggested, before being caught by another, peroxide-permed thought. "Or, uhh, maybe not. If, y'know, she's busy." But there was this big ol' pile of homework sitting on my desk that really wasn't gonna budge if I spent all night playing Hostess to the latest addition to the Junior Slayers Brigade. "Maybe you and, uhh - Fae, was it? - should go get some snacks or something? Couple of growing girls, gotta have Slayer-sized appetites." I winced. "Or, y'know, something less stupid-sounding."

And all these years, I'd been thinking that I'd finally outgrown my days as an spazzy teenage nerd...

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[10 Mar 2004|03:19pm]

I opened my eyes to find Spike laying next to me. I looked over at the clock. 1:30. In the morning. I couldn't decide if I should get up or stay where I was. I was more comfortable than I'd been in a long time. The sex we used to have was nothing compared to what we just had. It isn't even in the same catagory. It was so much deeper...so much more complete. I dont know how I ever lived without him.

I sat up a little bit and looked at him sleeping. He was smiling in his sleep...something i've never seen him do before. I leaned down and kissed him. He stirred a little and opened his eyes. He smiled as I pulled away. "I love you." I whispered, playing with his hair and staring into his gorgeous, deep blue eyes. This WAS heaven.
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3:30 Dawns Bedroom... [08 Mar 2004|07:01pm]

[ mood | curious ]

"Man D, your sis is soo uptight. I think that outfits fine. Maybe a little conservative, but that's okay." i say looking around her and Willow's room. "so, you share your room? I used to until my sis moved out with her boyfriend," I say as I flip through her closet. "Oh my god! Do you actually wear that?"

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YAY! LONG AWAITED CONFESSION!!! [08 Mar 2004|05:34pm]

I walked down the stairs toward Spike and Dawn, looking at Dawn's outfit. "What the hell is that???"

"Buffy, it's the style here..." She defended.

"Yeah, if you wanna look like a....Just...go change." I said...deciding not to get into it right now...i had more important things on my mind.

"Ugh...Comeon, Fae..." She said, before stomping up the stairs with her new friend.

"Hey, uh...Spike?"

"Yes love?" He asked, turning to look at me with those deep blue eyes.

"Can we talk?" I asked him.

"Uh...yeah...." he said, walking with me up the stairs towards my room.

We had already moved the majority of Dawn's stuff into Willows room and started moving Andrew's down...after a bit of an argument with Xander. So my room was pretty much empty, except for a dresser, a nightstand, and my bed.

We sat down on the end of my bed. I needed to tell him how I really feel. Tell him that I wasn't lying when I said that I loved him. And that I was actually ready for a relationship. The last couple days proved that I can't live without him. But first, I needed to know how he feels...if he still loves me. If he still wants me.

"Spike...we need to figure things out. We need to figure us out."

He looked at me, somewhat blankly, so i figured I should elaborate.

"Spike...I want to be with you...."
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3:00..... Giles' Kitchen [09 Mar 2002|04:55pm]

[ mood | enthralled ]

"Hey, everyone!" I yelled as I went into the kitchen. "Hey, Nibblet," Spike said entering the kitchen, "Who do you have here?" He asked reguarding the girl behind me. "Hey. I'm Fae," She said. "Accually, Spike, Can I speak to you in the hall? We'll be back in a bit," I said walking towards the hall. "Okay. Fine by me. Ya got any sodas?" Fae asked. "In the fridge," I said leaving the room with Spike behind me. "So, bit, Whats wrong?" Spike asked as soon as we cleared the room. "Oh. Nothing. Except Fae is a Slayer as in the not so potential variety," I said quickly. "Are you sure?" Spike asked looking into the kitchen where Fae sat on the counter, drinking a soda. "Yeah. Really sure. She through a boy across the room and through a wall," "Oh. Well, Seems like shes a slayer. There's something fimiliar about her...." he trailed off. "Could be she's like a Faith clone," I suggested. "Who's a Faith Clone? And Do NOT tell me you wore that to school today." I heard Buffys voice coming down the stairs behind me.

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Attic, 11:30 AM [08 Mar 2004|04:30pm]

[ mood | embarrassed ]


"What the bloody hell are you doing?"

I turn around to see Spike, and turn off the sound on my computer. It's a little embarrassing to get caught swinging a lightsaber around in my boxers at eleven-thirty in the morning. "Nothing!"

"Yeah, well... never let me see you doing that again."

Change of subject, quick. Quicker than quick. "So..." I sit down on the mattress. "What's up?"

"Pack your things. You're moving out."

"...What? ...What about breakfast?"

He filled me in on what was going on, that they wanted me to move to Xander's room, so Spike could have the attic.

"Well...That's cool... I guess being roomies with Xander'll be fun." I do get kinda lonely up here all by myself.

"Well then." He turns to leave. "That was easy. Oh... and... nice boxers."

What the hell? And I used to be so cool...

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[06 Mar 2004|04:22pm]

I was in the bathroom fixing my hair when I realized that Spike probably hadn't eaten anything for a couple days. "Did you want anything to..." I started, walking out of the bathroom. "Eat?"

He wasn't there. I started to wonder if I had dreamed it all...I went downstairs to check.

I walked down the stairs and saw the back of his head. I let out a sigh of relief.

As I walked further I saw Faith. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked her, confused, coming down to meet Spike at the stairs.
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(( This thing is finally workin'! XD )) [03 Mar 2004|12:54pm]

[ mood | drained ]

Well, I think I'm ready. After that whole thing with Sunny-D I needed to take time to myself.. and only with myself. Back again to the Motel thing, yay, go me.

This whole thing venturing down the road of redemption ain't that bad. I mean, I still have a lot of work to do on myself. Problem with this though I'm beginning to have really wicked nightmares on what I've done. I feel guilty on what I did to B and the others.. I'm not really expecting anyone to forgive me.


The flight was almost too long for me to handle. I'm just glad it's overwith. So.. this is London? Giles left me the address everyone was headin' to before they left.. I only hope I don't get lost around 'ere.

Giving the address to the taxi, I sat back into the seat with much anticipation and thoughts as the car drove on. I honestly don't think that Mr. G expected me to actually take the invitation. But hey.. what's the worst thing they can do. Kick me out? No big.

I made my way to the door as slow as I possibly could. And with a deep breath as well as clutching my hands into a fist, I lightly knocked.

"'ey! Anyone in there?"

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[02 Mar 2004|06:33pm]

[ mood | sleepy ]

I woke up at 10:30 the next morning...Usually Dawn or Willow had woken me up by now. I guess they were too afraid of what they'd open the door to see...you know...the whole Spike thing.

Waking up in his arms again...something I've dreamed about a few times since Sunnydale went kablooey. He was still asleep...Lying there peacefully. I wanted to stay in his arms all day, but I knew I had to get up and get my day going.

I slowly slid out from under his arm and made my way to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and rinsed my face off, but didnt get dressed just yet. I was looking forward to a day of catching up with my favorite blonde vampire...

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It's about time I posted.... [02 Mar 2004|06:04pm]

[ mood | exhausted ]

Driving home from the airport, I thought all about what must be going on. I'd tried to stay in DC until Spike came... but all the flights were booked after tonight's. So I stayed at the airport until midnight, going around to all the cafes for as long as I dared. I hate being out after midnight, it's so creepy. Anything can jump out at me and mug or murder me, Patrick Swayze style.
Trying to be quiet, I shut and lock the front door behind me, trying not to wake anyone up. If Spike's here already, like I hope he is, I'll catch it from Buffy for not telling her anything. I walk up the creaky stairs, trying to miss the third from the top, the loudest one. Pull open the attic door, I walk up the steps, and poke my head in. I fumble for the flashlight I keep by the stairs, just to make sure nothing's up here. Willow calls me paranoid, but I see nothing wrong with being careful.
I flip the switch and the light on the ceiling comes on. I say hi to my Aragorn poster on the wall... habit, I guess. It gets lonely sometimes in the attic, and I don't really feel like I belong when I'm with the Scoobies. Mr. Giles got me internet access and cable, trying to make it feel like home, I guess. But I don't feel like watching TV or surfing the net, so I just get ready to go to bed.
There's not much room up here for a big bed, just a mattress with a bunch of sheets.... so I change into a white t-shirt and my red Darth Vader boxers and climb in. I turn on my lava lamp, and reach over to the lightswitch and turn off the overhead light.
Not a bad end to a day full of airline food.

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Gile's house the next mourning...7:00 am [02 Mar 2004|05:47pm]

[ mood | sleepy ]

BRING I heard my alarm go. Urg. Maybe if I ignore it, It'll stop, I though rolling over. "Dawn, I f you don't hit that stupid alarm, I swear I'll....." Willow paused trying to think of something. "Okay!" I said slaming my hand down on the snooze button. "So... Are you going to let me borrow your pink shirt for the first day back?" I asked turning my head to look at Willow. Hope fully Buffy forgot to tell willow not to let me wear it.... I thought.

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The house, 10pm [02 Mar 2004|01:40pm]

I walked into the house after Buffy, my skin still tingling from the kiss. Stop thinking like that, I told myself. You can't expect anything from her. Just be happy you're here. We went into the kitchen, where Willow and Giles were drinking tea, and Xander was eating a doughnut (as usual).
"Bleach boy's back," announced Xander wearily, slumped in a chair.
"Thanks, cyclops," I snapped. He looked confused, and I smirked. Then Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs and ran at me.
"Spike!!!" she squealed, her eyes big as saucers. "Ohmygod,isitreallyyou???" She added in a rush.
"In the cold flesh," I said.
"Good lord," said Giles, putting his tea cup down.
"I guess I have some explaining to do," I said. I realised Buffy was still holding my hand. I squeezed her fingers gently and sat down at the table, and explained to them what had happened.

By the time I was finished, it was pretty late.
"Well," said Giles, looking quite confused, "I expect I shouldn't be surprised. Nobody really stays dead nowadays, it seems." I saw Xander looked sad. He was probably wondering why I was here if Anya wasn't.
"I was sorry to hear about Anya," I said. "She was a top bird. One of a kind." Xander just grunted at me, and soon after headed into the sitting room. Willow nudged Giles, and they disappeared too, leaving me and Buffy alone in the kitchen.

I wasn't sure what to say. Eventually I cleared my throat.
"It must be pretty cramped with all of you living here," I said.
"Well, Xander has a put-u-up in the lounge, and I'm sharing with Dawn. Maybe she could sleep in Willow's room tonight? Because, um, you need a place to sleep, that's all," Buffy added, blushing. "But anyway, it's really roomy compared to when we had all the potentials in the house," she explained.
"That's true," I laughed. "All those damn girls..." My voice trailed off as I remembered the last night Buffy and I had spent together, curled up on a narrow bed in her basement. We had barely spoken, but I had felt strong and whole, just being near her. "Listen, Buffy," I added quickly. "I - I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. I know it's been a while since I last saw you, and..." I paused, making sure my voice was steady - "it's ok if you've moved on with your life. I'm just happy...being friends," I finished, hoping I sounded sincere.
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